


Let Me Fondle Your Stapler

by flawedamythyst



Series: Winglets AUs [3]
Category: Cabin Pressure, Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-22
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-08-16 18:18:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8112472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/pseuds/flawedamythyst
Summary: Tony is entirely too keen on going over to the UK office. One day, Pepper finds out why.
Office AU.





	

When Pepper Potts started working for Tony Stark, he gave her only one standing instruction.

"Just make sure I've got an excuse to go to the UK office at least once a month. Doesn't matter what for, any old crap will do as long as I get to pop over the pond and hang out with the tea-drinkers."

"Right," she'd said, and made a note of that.

She didn't find out exactly why Tony was so keen on going over there until she was CEO and Tony wasn't the only one required at the Stark Industries UK board meetings.

Actually Tony wasn't required at all, not now that he was only head of R&D and chief shareholder, but he insisted on going.

"Okay, this has been fun," said Tony, taking a step back from the gathering of businessmen before the meeting had even got started, "but I've got to go."

"Tony," hissed Pepper, giving him dark look that she already knew wasn't going to do any good.

"Got plans," said Tony, bouncing on his heels. "See you later. Probably much later."

He left, leaving Pepper to face the SI UK board who, thankfully, all looked more resigned than angered.

"He always leaves early," said one of them to her. "Or doesn't turn up at all."

She felt her eyes narrow. "Right." She turned on her heel and followed in the direction Tony had gone.

It took her a while to find him, and when she did, she nearly walked right past without noticing him. He was perched on the edge of someone's desk in the aviation department's open-plan office, grinning down at the poor guy and looking as if he was horrifically in the way.

She stalked towards him without him noticing her. Christ, was he playing with the guy's stapler?

“I do have work to do,” she heard the aviation guy say in an exasperated voice as she got closer. “So do you, come to that.”

“Not at the moment,” said Tony, the lie slipping out as natural as breathing. “I'm waiting for the big cheeses to come back from their big corporate lunches, you know how those guys are.”

“You could have gone to lunch with them,” said the man.

Tony opened his eyes wide. “And miss out on seeing my favourite technical specialist? Never!”

The man just sighed in a way that said he knew Tony all too well. Who the hell was this? “At least give me back my stapler.”

“Mr. Stark,” interrupted Pepper, in the crispest voice she could manage. Tony flinched like he'd been shot and looked up at her as if he'd been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “The board are waiting for you.”

The man Tony had been talking to took one look at her and went a strange red colour. “Oh god,” he wheezed.

Tony looked at him, ignoring Pepper in a way he only usually did when he was working on something ingenious. “Chill, Spitfire. If you can cope with Iron Man, surely you can cope with Pepper?”

The man just shook his head. “She's the _CEO_ ,” he hissed, then cleared his throat and turned to Pepper with a sickly smile. “Um. Good morning -afternoon!- Good afternoon, Pe- Miss Po- Ma'am, no, no, not Ma'am....sir? No, of course not, stupid-”

“You can call me Pepper,” said Pepper, as gently as she could. It looked a little bit like he was about to have a heart attack. “And you are...?”

“This is Martin Crieff,” said Tony. “All-round awesome guy, the best technical specialist in the company, and the most comprehensive database of aviation facts you'll ever meet.”

“Pleased to meet you, Martin,” said Pepper with her best reassuring smile, then turned to Tony and replaced it with a glare. “Seriously. Conference room. Now. You crossed the Atlantic for this, you should at least turn up.”

Tony rolled his eyes, but slid off Martin's desk. “Okay, Spitfire, I'll see you later.”

Martin shook his head. “Don't worry about me, you just keep the company from crashing.”

“Right,” said Tony. “On it.” He gave him a little salute.

Pepper herded him out of the room. She noticed that the other people in the room barely glanced up at the owner and the CEO of the company walking past, which made her wonder just how much time Tony had spent there.

“Okay, what was that?” she asked as soon as they were out of earshot.

Tony just gave a shrug. “Don't know what you mean.”

“Right,” she said, eyeing him suspiciously. He just kept walking, refusing to meet her eyes.

After that, she did a bit of research. According to HR records, Martin Crieff had been working in the aviation division for five years. His records had no censures, no commendations, and no hint of promotion in them. A few gentle leading questions to his boss revealed that Tony had been 'wandering by' his desk for at least four years, stopping to chat for increasing lengths of time before Martin made him leave so he could get back to work.

Well, that was all very interesting. If Tony hadn't immediately made a move, and then got slapped with a sexual misconduct case, this Martin must mean a hell of a lot to him.

Pepper waited until she and Tony were trapped together in the plane on the way home before she mentioned it.

“So, in four years, you've never once asked him out?”

Tony twitched, but kept his facial expression neutral. “Don't know what you're talking about,” he bluffed.

“Tony, I've known you far too long for that to work,” she said. “And yet, never once seen you look at anyone like that.”

Tony pressed his lips together, than shook his head. “He's not- Look, it's just a fun flirting thing, okay? No need to get all caught up in ideas of some epic romance or whatever.”

“Okay,” she said with a nod. “Then you should continue the 'fun flirting' over dinner. Or coffee. Or just, anything other than bothering the guy when he's trying to work.”

“Maybe I like bothering the guy when he's trying to work,” said Tony. He grinned. “He gets all flustered, and he used to go this lovely shade of red. He's too used to me now for that, which is a shame.”

Pepper shook her head. “Seriously, Tony, just ask him out already.”

The smile fell off Tony's face and he shook his head. “Nope.”

“To-”

He interrupted her before she could finish. “Leave it, Pepper.”

She sighed, but she knew that tone all too well. She wasn't going to get anywhere with him like this.

****

Three weeks later, she waited until she could see the lift starting to rise through the Tower before she spoke. “Tony, I'm sorry, I'm not going to be able to make dinner.”

Tony, who had been in the process of throwing on a jacket so that they could leave, paused. “What?”

“Something's come up,” she said. “Don't worry, though, I've arranged an alternative dining partner for you.”

He blinked. “You were the one that wanted to go out in the first place!”

She ignored that. “In fact, he should be here now,” she said.

“He?” repeated Tony. “Oh no, Pepp-”

The lift dinged and the doors opened to reveal Martin Crieff, looking absolutely terrified.

“Um. Tony?” he asked.

“Spitfire,” said Tony, staring at him as if he was the second coming.

Pepper gave them both a smile that they ignored, then stepped past Martin into the lift. “Have a good evening,” she said, and the doors shut on the tableau of the two men, still frozen in place.

Well, if Tony couldn't get his act together with that beginning, he didn't deserve the 'playboy' moniker that the papers always foisted on him.

On the other hand, Tony was really good at messing up the things that were important to him.

“JARVIS, can you pipe through from the lounge?” she asked.

A moment later, Martin's voice came over the intercom. “Oh god oh god oh god, am I in trouble?” he was saying. “I didn't do anything, I swear, I don't even know what I could have done that would mean you'd fly me here from England to yell at me but I didn't do it.”

“Hey, Spitfire,” said Tony, sounding more gentle than Pepper had thought he was capable of. “Deep breaths. Keep calm. You're not in trouble -well, not work trouble- and I didn't fly you here. Pepper did.”

“Miss Potts?” said Martin, in a strangled high-pitched gasp. “Oh god.”

“No, no, seriously, okay, just breathe. C'mon, with me, just calm it down,” said Tony. “This is nothing to with you, this is her fucking with me because, I don't know, maybe I missed her birthday again.”

Pepper sighed. Of course Tony would think she'd done this as a punishment for him, rather than because she wanted him to be happy.

“Okay, okay,” said Martin, apparently starting to calm down. “I'm okay. Um. So, how is have me here a way for her to, uh, fuck with you?”

There was a very long pause, during which Pepper crossed her fingers for Tony to actually take a risk and be honest rather than making up some excuse and sweeping the whole thing under the carpet.

“Because she knows I want to take you out,” said Tony eventually, in a quiet voice, and Pepper let out a sigh of relief. “And she thinks getting you here and booking a table for dinner is all it takes. I'm sorry, Martin, she shouldn't have dragged you over-”

“She wants me to go to dinner with you,” said Martin, sounding incredulous. “You mean like, like, like-” He stopped, and Pepper could almost feel him trying to get the words out. “Like a date?”

“Yeah, exactly like that,” said Tony. “But, hey, no need to worry about that, how about we just find you a place to-”

“Yes,” interrupted Martin. “That is, I mean, um. Yes, please. Let's do it. Go to dinner. If you want to, that is, and she's not wrong-”

“Oh, I want to,” said Tony, in a low voice, and then there was a sound Pepper recognised only too well as they started kissing.

“Okay, JARVIS, enough,” she said, and the noise cut off. Her work here was done. Time to go home and climb into a massive, hot bath and watch _Orange Is The New Black_.


End file.
